Cleo looks shamefaced. She just asked Ian what it was like to ‘come out’ and instantly regretted it as Ian began to reel off his entire life story. Apparently everything is “amazing.” After Cleo dies of boredom Ian goes off to exercise with a dumbbell and Danielle – or are they one and the same? Jade exercises demonstrating The Plank – not Jack, but a ‘core stability’ workout. Come on Jade, we know you’ve had your fat legs and arse sucked out; you can stop pretending to be Paula Radcliffe now. If only they’d sucked out your brain too…
Leo declares that he does not need to watch soap operas because his life is “exciting enough.” He goes on, “I dreamt last night I had a pillow on my face." If only Leo, if only. The housemates are gathered to nominate. Danielle goes first which causes hours of confusion since Carole and Cleo are first alphabetically. By the time it comes to Jack’s nomination, Cleo has worked out she and Carole are being punished and seems visibly upset. The group decide to choose Carole over Cleo to face the public vote.
Shilpa, now firmly ensconced into the role of the house scapegoat, is blamed for this as she was sat near Cleo and Carole when they discussed nomination so she should be punished too! Jo, Danielle and Jade make a big deal out of crying because they are so upset that a woman they don’t know is facing eviction! Dani calls Shilpa a ‘scum bag’ and Jade, clearly wanting to continue her mother’s racist roots, impersonates Shilpa’s accent like some bizarre sketch from a 1970s sitcom.
Everyone stands in a crowd round Shilpa like the playground bully-bitches of old. Apparently it is her fault that Carole is up – never mind that Ian, Dirk, Leo, Jo voted for Carole too. Shilpa is demolished and Jade grins – her bullying expertise have worked again. Jermaine Jackson, a man of infinite calm and wisdom, comforts Shilpa, as she weeps in the toilet utterly alone. Shades of Sophie in BB3 methinks.
Dirk and Leo are also up for eviction. Jade rubs her hands in glee – she later engineers a nasty stand up row with Dirk over some whisky – that she doesn’t even want to drink! Her next victim is in her sights and her harem of moronic desperados agree with her assertions and the ramblings of her deeply offensive boyfriend. Demented Leo has entertained me non-stop, but sadly it seems he might go. Jade is so sure that Carole will stay I hope to hell she won’t – sorry Carole!
After Jade has managed to shout Dirk off to bed, she and her coven of Jo, Cleo, Carole and Danielle sit a slate him, certain he’ll be evicted. I’ve never despised anyone as much as Jade ‘The Gob’ Goody. If she’s on TV much more I will glue my own eyelids shut. In fact, if she’s on TV much more I will destroy my TV and go and live underground!
Let’s end on a joke.
Q: How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Q: Piece of cake!
Sick of Jade Goody’s Gob? Stopped watching BB? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
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