“It’s her or me.” Ken Russell said to Big Brother when trying to explain why he wanted to leave the house. “She’s evil!” He continued. He was, of course, talking about Jackiey who has managed to insult, humiliate and annoy just about everyone in the house. Ken was the one who seemed to be coping but it all became too much. Big Brother, clearly not seeing sense, decided it would be better to let Ken go. Yes, funny, witty entertaining Ken with a wealth of stories, intellect and talent. Jackiey Goody and her swearing, burping, farting and inarticulate ramblings are much better aren’t they?
Ken also had a mighty fall out with Jade because she accused him of being inconsiderate when he made his own crackers instead of the servants doing it. Jade may have been right, but I’d also be put out if Jade Goody, queen of being inconsiderate, was saying it to me.
Carole reads out a laminate explaining that the Goody grandparents will be coming for a banquet that evening. Heaven forefend! There is an audible silence before everyone begins to bow their heads in dismay. Now Ken has gone there are more Goody’s than not.
The rest of the group tease Dirk and get him to admit he has a soft spot for Shilpa. “No, I just love her laugh” he blushes. No one believes him. He tells Shilpa that if she wants to rejoin them in the House Next Door he can help. He can either marry her or adopt her. His little heart breaks when she says ‘adopt’. Dirk seeks solace in Demon Leo who is still recovering from the all night service he had to provide to the Goody family.
Carole drags her servants back into the house to prepare the food for the Goody grandparents and Jackiey fusses, interferes and generally annoys. Danielle has another rare moment of insight and states that she feels Leo is playing up to the camera for his future career. “Perhaps he can bring his singles back out!” Oh, she aint so daft. Later, she decides not to stay in Leo’s company for too long because he “keeps talking sex” to her. I’m shuddering as I write – seriously.
An hour passes and there is still no sign of the Grandparents. Dirk and Carole are so bored they resort to discussing reservoirs. Jo and Shilpa sigh. Ian bonds with Jackiey over nothing in particular. Nothing much happens except an exasperated Cleo who looks ready to knock Leo out if he won’t drop his mime act. It’s understandable; it’s like watching a second rate Coco the Clown.
Jo gets the impression that Jackiey fancies her and worries she might faint. “The last time I nearly passed out was when my bitch was in labour,” she reveals. "Who?” Says Ian. “Jackiey?" I take back my previous remarks, Ian is a comedy genius. Dirk, like the viewer can no longer be bothered to wait for the grandparents and takes himself off to bed. Suddenly the camera can’t keep away from him. Well, come on, if he goes to bed a few hundred thousand women will turn off.
The Big Brother bosses won’t pan back to the main house though so we are all spared a live streaming of the chimps tea party. Another half million people kick themselves and switch the live feed off. Why are we staying up to watch two barrow boys who had the unfortunate luck to spawn Jackiey eat a meal with their family, a Bollywood star and a member of the Jackson Five? No reason. Let’s go to bed. Endemol have a lot of pro-Goody and anti-Shilpa editing to prepare for the highlights tomorrow. Mark my words.
Bored of BB? Loving the twist? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
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