I hope for rocket launching air craft: everyone else hopes for snow over Elstree. Ian and Jermaine are excited then immediately disappointed. The snow lands everywhere but the Big Brother garden. Shilpa, who has never seen snowfall, dives out of bed and bounces into the living room, shrieking. Ian wanders around with no top on, despite the sub zero temperatures, giving Cleo an unwelcome eyeful of his painfully erect nipples. Shilpa gets a ball of snow and runs into the bedroom showing it to her dozing colleagues as though it is a shiny diamond.
Jo is - shock horror surprise - grumpy from the moment she wakes. She complains that Shilpa is excited. She complains that it’s not snow it is in fact “ice” (what the hell do you think snow is, Jo love? Frozen water = ice – its not difficult, is it?). “I was in the middle of a great dream…” she whines. Let me guess…did it involve fags, laying on your back and a stinking dressing gown? I had a dream too once Jo, it involved you being evicted to massive boos, total vilification and a throng of angry egg pelters.
Cleo joins Prostrate Jo to bitch about Dirk’s alleged lies. How a ‘comedian’ like Cleo cannot tell a lie from a sarcastic statement is beyond me. Shilpa wears an ill-advised low cut top. Jack’s eyes fall out of his head. He quickly retrieves them before they drop out again when a scantily clad Danielle hoes into view. Cleo re-dyes her hair and tongs it into electric shock style. She looks like Ziggy Stardust - as he is now. Dead. “Are you going to shower...again?” Jo moans at Dirk. “I think there might be a surprise eviction with my name on it. They can say: he came in clean and he went out clean... though he was filthy in between” Dirk replies – to nobody’s amusement.
Dirk goes for a lie down and Dani cracks open the wine, at 2.30pm. I can’t say I blame either of them. Cleo wants to get evil again – now she knows how good she is at it she won’t let it go. She and Jack the Plank plan to but sugar in Dirk’s soy sauce, knowing he can’t eat sugar. Honestly…can it get pettier? I’m actually longing for the days of Sezer and Shabaz now – that’s how bad it is getting. Worn out by her machinations, Jo goes for a sleep – in the same room as Dirk! How does she cope!
Another task is set. Ice cubes are stacked in the garden. Inside each ice cube is a token and each housemate has to lick the ice cubes until they reach the token. Cue Jo whining, Shilpa squealing and Dani complaining. Dirk prefers it the assault course. Everyone gets a pseudo-ski suit to wear, which is lucky as the ice cubes are the size of breezeblocks. They all begin to suck on the cubes and I’m suddenly overtaken by a desperate need to vomit. Shilpa finishes in record time. I don’t know what that says about her sucking abilities, but it sure isn’t a good thing. Jermaine quickly follows. Dani and Jo aren’t happy (Really? Never!) because they can’t get their tokens out without touching the ice.
Shilpa tries to encourage Dirk but it told off by Big Brother. Jack unwittingly releases a barrage of filthy double entendres to Dani as she struggles on – Jack watches her sucking abilities with his eyes on stalks once more - there's hope in them eyes, I tells ya! Everyone retrieves their tokens and Big Brother announces yet another party to follow. Gawd help us, I’m not sure I can bear either the tedium or the spine shivers I get from Cleo’s cold dead eyes as she plots more nastiness against Dirk.
Jo, seemingly psychic in between complaining, claims that the public “hate” her and she’ll be evicted next. All housemates wait for the nomination results and Jo is proven right. She, Cleo, Dirk, Shilpa and Ian all face a double eviction on Friday. Ian and Shilpa look gutted. Ian’s done nothing to be ashamed of and Shilpa thinks she’s suffered enough already. Jo and Dirk couldn’t give a toss. Cleo’s expression is as fixed as usual…must be the botox.
The party is a ski style do with ice sculptures and manky food. Shilpa and Ian bond. I know Ian is gay and everything but he too seems to have fallen under the Shetty Spell. She’s like a siren that woman…even Jack Sprat can’t take his eyes off her and he “hates” her remember? Dirk has a moment of irrationality and announces he thinks that Jack can win! Coming to his senses, Dirk goes to bed early, Cleo’s steely gaze following him every step of the way
Not long after, everyone bar Ian heads to bed too. Ian sits in the lounges looking at his Steps photos, hugging his knees and weeping. I know how you feel Ian. I found a picture of me on the beach at Bridlington the other day that made me heave! My thighs! My thighs!
Is it boring or is it me? Travesty that the ‘racists’ get to the final? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
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1 comment:
Thank you. Interesting comments. Think I agree.
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