Big Brother 8: Day 21: June 19th 2007

The swimming task continues and Chanelle spends every waking second trying to find a way not to actually do any swimming. “I’ll go in the boat” she says as everyone scowls in the background. Laura and Ziggy do the majority of the work, length after length after length. It’s great to see Laura move and to see her smile for once. Carole, the Demon Headmistress, frowns and whines about how she is “done with everyone” before she then goes on to make everyone’s breakfast. Yes, really “done” aren’t you Carole? Amanda dives into the pool and swims until she drops. She may have few brain cells but she has a hell of a lot of stamina.

Charley and Seány take it turns to out annoy everyone by dressing as demented fishermen and shouting through a megaphone. If only a torpedo firing submarine was passing at that very moment. Kill two knobs with one strike!

Carole continues to dominate the kitchen, ticking off every bit of food that may have possibly been eaten without her express written permission. “Where is the sweetcorn? The sweet corn is gone!” She cries with a panic. Carole dear....it's only sweet corn love. I'm surprised she hasn't numbered each bit of corn. She'll be checking everyone's stools to see who had what! Poor Ziggy gets the blame even though it was Liam who ate it. Having said that, the sweet corn was bought with Liam’s luxury shopping budget so he can eat what he wants…but don’t tell Carole I said that.

Billi wants to cause trouble for Ziggy. Charley jumps at the chance but they are a bit too stupid to come up with anything other than a some backstabbing! Whoa, original! Sam gets food poisoning….surely, in some way; somehow this is Seány’s fault? He’s probably been “pranking” again by sprinkling his urine in Sam’s food when she wasn’t looking.

Nomination results are announced, Carole, Jonathan and Seány are up for the vote. There isn’t a huge amount of surprise except on Charley’s face – even she thought she was a goner. Ziggy and Chanelle stare aimlessly into the distance. They’ve grown bored of one another but are too polite to admit it. Gerry has noticed but he gets too giddy when he’s alone with Ziggy to actually tell him straight.

Nicky is attracted to Liam but keeps, unsuccessfully, trying to talk herself out of. “Men repulse me,” she says before slavering over the tree surgeon and giggling like an overexcited schoolgirl when he says he’d quite like to settle down. Nicky is still perplexed as to why Carole won’t speak to her. Here is a clue Nicky, calling someone a “hag” and a “kitchen Nazi” is not inductive to friendship.

Billi lays on the bed in his ill fitting Speedos. He has an incredibly annoying and worrying habit of splaying his legs in front of every camera. I really don’t want to see Billi’s love spuds thanks Big Brother, please make him wear a skirt…and tell Chanelle to put some pants on too – her arse aint any more attractive than Billi’s. Brian thinks he will “die from dehydration man” as the heat in the bedroom increases. He camply wafts himself with a fan and whines that his leg is broken as Billi stares at the twins telling them “Amanda you have the biggest eyes, but Sam yours are wider.” Say what? Either their eyes are the same are they aren’t you twerp.

Lightening and storms around my way kill the live feed so who knows what happened during the night? I imagine it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. Let’s hope Carole is evicted. She’s got nothing left to offer now and Seány and Jonathan, scary though they are, have a little depth.

Like Carole’s weeping Mrs Mop routine? Is Seány actually a leprechaun? Chillwinter@hotmail.co.uk