Someone crapped on the floor. Tracey suggests it could be a “small mammal.” Yes, Trace, my money is on Shabnam. Charley thinks she can see a footprint in it. She’s lucky her face didn’t end up in after she spent the night Ziggy baiting, stealing Nicky’s alcohol and allowing the increasingly stressed young old man to deal with the brunt of Nicky’s depression inducing temper. The next day, Nicky and Lesley discuss men. Lesley wants passion. A strange hungry look creeps over her face, the sort of look that could frighten the horses. She knows two men will enter on Friday…she can almost smell them. “What can a man give you?” She asks Nicky. Think about it Lesley. Arrange these words into a well know sentence To Seeing Good Right A!
Carole attempts to occupy the dullards by prizing them away from sunbathing and encouraging them to take part in a sack race. Big Brother scuppers any effort at fun and confines everyone to the house. Ziggy pines for some testosterone company…he finds himself bitching and arguing and talking about emotions, he practically a girl. He worries for Chanelle’s “innocence” fearing she may be “corrupted” although his fears soon die away when a scantily clad Chanelle invites him into bed. Turns out Ziggy is the only one allowed to do any corrupting.
By Friday night two more men are desperately shoved into the house…I’m worried that some over auditioned London himbo who knows Charley from the party scene is about to descend. First in is Gerry a 31-year-old “Greek poof academic”. He’s a gay man who is fed up with boys, over qualified and unemployable. His hobby is basically sex. I sense he is almost a kindred spirit with good old Nicky…I can see them bonding over sugar puffs and ancient civilisation.
Seany, the missing Irish member of Goldie Lookin' Chain is next. He’s a 25-year-old Michael Jackson fan…he even supported him at his trial. A gay man who was “once straight” Seany is a 25-year-old youth worker who hates camp guys and elderly people and dresses like Shabnam's smellier male alter ego. He milks the crowd so much they go from cheers to boos in four and half seconds. Fat legged girls with over bleached hair chant, “Get Charley Out” something duly noted in Seany’s mind. He waits nervously by the door until Sam and Amanda wrestle him to the ground in a rush of oestrogen.
My spidey sense tingles with Seany. I do not like the man…he’s too consciously ‘wacky’ where it comes naturally to Tracey. He’s got narrow eyes and a very cold face…although having said that I’ll probably end up loving him in a few weeks and joining some crazed internet forum of love just for him. I prefer Gerry; he at least has a sense of gratitude, humour and intelligence. I feel bad for slagging Ziggy off now, he aint so bad in comparison.
Tragedy strikes on Saturday when fabulous Lesley Brain decides to leave. She’s too bored to cope and she has smelt the very same bad smell I get with Seany. It’s a pity…she was the only reason I was watching. I blame Seany…he should never have lifted Lesley’s duvet (thank God that’s not a euphemism).
Laura whines and bitches. I had high hopes for Laura but her personality consists entirely of having those “hilarious” big wangers. I’m bored of her twittering on about Ziggy and Chanelle. Her face is so sour she could put herself off food – and that’s saying something. Charley worries about the “Get Charley Out” chants but Nicky tells her to “turn it around”. Nicky dear, Charley would have to save an orphanage of blind one-limbed children from the ravages of fire for that crowd to like her.
My live feed broke down. I really didn’t care. That’s not a good omen.
Love the new housemates? Worry that BO is pungent in the air? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
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