In the early hours, Jonathan leaves the Big Brother house because his grandmother has died. Sam and Nicky are upset. Charley is angry she has been upstaged and kicks off. Again. You could almost set your watch by her. It matters not her Sin task is not to argue…she digs at Chanelle and Brian about being adopted, sending Chanelle out of the room and prompting Charley to launch into a poisonous diatribe and vitriolic impression session – with Laura, the giant monkey, laughing with the demonic organ grinder.
Brian is so incensed he has to march around the garden to calm himself. Ziggy does his relationship no favours by staying up all night with Charley to counsel her alongside Liam. Charley then decides to spill the beans to Liam about Nicky’s feelings, not a good idea now that Nicky has decided to back off. By 6am everyone goes to bed. Laura sports an unevenly spread orange tan face and a fake limp – hoping she won’t have to do her “six miles” for her Sin task.
Liam worries what lust will entail. He can’t worry too long because Carole runs around rationing the bread and telling everyone they cannot have toast. Liam was right to worry; he is made to dress up as a member of the village people again. His lust task is to look a tw*t basically.
As the bread argument goes on, Charley is accused of stirring which she vehemently denies. As if Charley would stir! I mean! Honestly! She poisons Ziggy further against Chanelle and to his shame he begins to question himself. Nicky is sent to the Room of Nicky, surrounded by pictures of herself. She must wear green and a jacket of herself…and learn some “self containment” but she looks uncomfortable
Outside Charley goes off again – this time calling Gerry boring (okay, she is right this once) as a camp Liam tries to break into the caravan and an annoyed Amanda is dragged from the shower by Carole who thinks she has been “too long” washing. Ziggy goes back up in my estimation when he goes to Chanelle and tells her what Laura and Charley have said…suddenly Laura is lost for words. “I never said it!” She cries.
Charley then argues with Laura, Laura argues with Chanelle, Chanelle argues with Ziggy. Argh! Shut up. Everyone! Shut up! Gerry, complete with a green face pack, tries to bring some calm – but as usual, no one listens. Chanelle is angry, “You can go sleep with ‘er!” She screams, pointing at Charley. Nicky claims she doesn’t want to get involved, whilst getting involved.
A bizarre scene follows here Laura rants to Liam, dressed as a scary gay biker, Gerry, a green alien, and Amanda, a giant hotdog. Liam deflates Laura, not willing to listen to her wittering. Charley isn’t finished in her campaign to split Ziggy and Chanelle and when Ziggy goes to the diary room she moves in on Chanelle, telling her not to trust her man.
Laura’s task is to walk a mini marathon whilst wearing piggy slippers. She somehow passes and the group wait to see if they all passed. In the meantime Chanelle and Laura discover they are to face the public vote which only makes Charley squeal with delight…let’s see how she squeals when her lackey Laura is booted out to boos.
When the task results are announced everyone but Charley has passed. The group are not happy; especially when Charley finds it amusing she has spoiled the party plans. All hell breaks loose again. First she shouts at Ziggy with Laura giggling on. Amusingly Ziggy tells Laura “find your own personality.” Liam is annoyed that Charley has spoiled the mood and another row kicks off.
Its tedium personified for a while until Big Brother intervenes and Charley is sent to the Sin Bin whilst everyone else gets a party – a PVC party. This leads to some of the most disturbing things I have ever seen – namely Brian as a giant condom and Tracey pushing her hands between his legs! And the twins rubbing each other in chocolate. And Nicky rubbing Ziggy. And worse – Ziggy rubbing Carole.
Yet – gross though it was, it was like heaven compared to another Charley “I’m just being honest” whine.
Like PVC? Want to slap Charley? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Friday, 29 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Day 30 - 28th June 2007
Jonathan who really wants to go, yes he really wants to leave. He wants to go you know? Yes, that’s right – leave, he wants to leave. Well, by 10.30am after he has said he wants to leave – go, you know, leave, is still sleeping. Blimey, even Blair didn’t take this long to exit. Chanelle and Ziggy sleep on the sofas, Chanelle sick and Ziggy wanting to leave as well. When Jonathan wakes up, he (shock horror) is having second thoughts. “You still here then?” Tracey grumbles when she sees him. Good old Trace – that rudeness in her they don’t like is what makes her better to watch than Jonathan and his contrived ‘I’ve made up my mind’ bollox.
They are all allowed to sing for their breakfast…and they are all awful Why am I reminded of the Eurovision episode of 'Father Ted' with the 'My lovely horse' song? Only it isn’t even as good as that. Yet, somehow and inevitably, they pass.
They receive a little hamper with bread, oranges and sausage from the Diary Room. Laura quickly snaffles the sausage as everyone else perks up at the carbohydrates on offer. Finally, after Billi whines on like an injured dog, Jonathan packs his bags and says goodbye. Nicky and Brian dance by the bath and even manage to elicit a smile from Carole Fun-Sucker. Jonathan then returns from the diary room to announce he will stay. What an absolute prat he is. Either stay or go, don’t mumble on about it! Tosser!
Laura straddles Liam to give him a massage which is a shock since a) she doesn’t crush him and b) he quite likes it. Jonathan reminds Nicky and Brian they are being watched by “eight million people” (more like half that Jon) but tells them they will have fans. “Charley will have fans too,” he says. “About 11 of them”
The youngsters bar Laura (because it involved movement) play around in the pool, as Ziggy and Chanelle snuggle somewhere. When it gets too cold Nicky and Liam return to the shower for…well, a lot of “harmless” rubbing, touching and wrestling. If that is Liam giving someone the brush off, he can give me the brush off any time he likes! In the garden later Liam discusses his ‘mental block’ when it comes to relationships with a (far too) philosophical Gerry who simply just wants some “cock”.
In the evening, as Carole and Laura cook hearts and kidneys provided by Big Brother (cue – more Chanelle vomiting) Brian is still perplexed by number twos. “I don't think women do proper poo” he says. “Next time I do a proper poo I'll proper show you” Tracey tells him. “It’s like the culture show”. Says Jonathan, immediately regretting his decision to stay.
Brian and Nicky decide to have fun and dance in the garden most of the evening, only it is more like a kind of bizarre giggling than dancing. Nicky tries to teach Brian cartwheels but he ends up falling over a balloon and then talking about his “boners” and how everything is ‘mentawl’. Billi snakes around with Charley, plotting something…Sam breaks a jug, Amanda laughs but it sends Carole mad. “The jug!” she cries – the jug has replaced the towel in Carole’s affections.
Fancy throwing jugs at Carole? Wants a shower with Liam? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
They are all allowed to sing for their breakfast…and they are all awful Why am I reminded of the Eurovision episode of 'Father Ted' with the 'My lovely horse' song? Only it isn’t even as good as that. Yet, somehow and inevitably, they pass.
They receive a little hamper with bread, oranges and sausage from the Diary Room. Laura quickly snaffles the sausage as everyone else perks up at the carbohydrates on offer. Finally, after Billi whines on like an injured dog, Jonathan packs his bags and says goodbye. Nicky and Brian dance by the bath and even manage to elicit a smile from Carole Fun-Sucker. Jonathan then returns from the diary room to announce he will stay. What an absolute prat he is. Either stay or go, don’t mumble on about it! Tosser!
Laura straddles Liam to give him a massage which is a shock since a) she doesn’t crush him and b) he quite likes it. Jonathan reminds Nicky and Brian they are being watched by “eight million people” (more like half that Jon) but tells them they will have fans. “Charley will have fans too,” he says. “About 11 of them”
The youngsters bar Laura (because it involved movement) play around in the pool, as Ziggy and Chanelle snuggle somewhere. When it gets too cold Nicky and Liam return to the shower for…well, a lot of “harmless” rubbing, touching and wrestling. If that is Liam giving someone the brush off, he can give me the brush off any time he likes! In the garden later Liam discusses his ‘mental block’ when it comes to relationships with a (far too) philosophical Gerry who simply just wants some “cock”.
In the evening, as Carole and Laura cook hearts and kidneys provided by Big Brother (cue – more Chanelle vomiting) Brian is still perplexed by number twos. “I don't think women do proper poo” he says. “Next time I do a proper poo I'll proper show you” Tracey tells him. “It’s like the culture show”. Says Jonathan, immediately regretting his decision to stay.
Brian and Nicky decide to have fun and dance in the garden most of the evening, only it is more like a kind of bizarre giggling than dancing. Nicky tries to teach Brian cartwheels but he ends up falling over a balloon and then talking about his “boners” and how everything is ‘mentawl’. Billi snakes around with Charley, plotting something…Sam breaks a jug, Amanda laughs but it sends Carole mad. “The jug!” she cries – the jug has replaced the towel in Carole’s affections.
Fancy throwing jugs at Carole? Wants a shower with Liam? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Day 29 - 27th June 2007
Jonathan wakes and pads around the bathroom, his moobs on shuddering display. An alarm wakes the housemates, who now fearful of another bowl of slop. Brian moans. “They are annihilating us” he says. Jonathan grumps on about not wanting anything, not even a task. Leave then mate, feel free. Jonathan discusses Charley; "everyone is talking about her inside the house and everyone is talking about her outside it, so its working for her!”
Ziggy hates Charley, he has decided that she is simply nasty. Jonathan disagrees, “she has talent” he says. Excuse me? If talent is wearing crotch crippling hot pants and shouting expletives ten to the dozen then yes, she sure has talent. I expect her to display it in front of Cowell, Holden and Morgan on the next series of that God awful ITV1 “talent” show. Ziggy gets up and walks away in disgust. Another rift?
Their slop is delivered along with a vitamin pill. Laura and Tracey pretend it tastes much better but Brian, Charley and Nicky still retch as they struggle with their tiny mouthfuls. Everyone else manages surprisingly well.
Later Nicky and Liam help Brian wash the skid marks out of his pants. Dear. Lord. How shall I recover? Outside the twins try and drown Ziggy in the pool as Carole pontificates about how the “game is fixed” in favour of Charley. Nothing to do with you being up for eviction then, eh Carole? Jonathan, the Endemol insider, rubs his hands with glee. Makes sense I suppose for Endemol to put one of their own in…no more Emily style n*gger slip-ups.
After their millionth blazing row, Charley and Billi are sent to a “Happy Room” where they get champagne and strawberries to help them calm down. Ziggy is apoplectic (he’s also more coherent when angry, have you noticed?) and tries to get into the Diary Room but BB won’t let him in. Carole starts cleaning in frenzy, twittering about BB favouring Charley over and over like a manic Duracell bunny left out in the rain for too long.
By evening, Jonathan announces he has talked to Big Brother and he has asked to leave. There are some tears and a few shrugs. Brian gets stressed and walks up and down repetitively to calm himself down. Everyone pretends to be sorry that Jonathan is leaving, shedding “crocodile tears” as Gerry calls them. Carole is gutted and snipes that it must be Nicky’s fault (of course. I hold Nicky responsible for my badly behaved dog and my mounting debts, the existence of Peaches Geldof, the recent heavy rain, house prices rises and the war in Iraq.)
At midnight twins are set a psychic test, but are pretty terrible – yet they some how pass. “I drawed an apple and she drawed a pineapple” they laugh when they manage to draw one image correctly through being ‘psychic’. “We are psychopathic” Amanda says. I always thought so. They choose Chanelle and Liam to celebrate with them but Chanelle is already feeling sick, Nicky goes instead but the cakes will not be made of icing sugar.
Gerry in protest covers his head in the slop. He threatens to put it on his genitals but says there isn’t enough. Billi and Charley won’t eat – Charley is forced to eat it in the Diary Room – que: a mighty strop for the highlights. Billi angrily bangs on the diary room door to protest again about Charley’s ‘preferential treatment’
The twins are appalled when they find their cake is filled with slop. Liam is happy enough that one of the cakes has corned beef. “I like corned beef” he laughs. Nicky takes it well, although she manages to swear some crudeness to Big Brother first. Sam and Liam bond over their mutual dislike of Carole and her attitude.
Back in the bedroom Charley, on a loop of irritancy, maintains she will leave in the morning if she has to eat slop again. Here is your chance BB, more slop for Charley and she can bugger off home.
Want a corned beef cake? Think Carole is a bit mental? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Ziggy hates Charley, he has decided that she is simply nasty. Jonathan disagrees, “she has talent” he says. Excuse me? If talent is wearing crotch crippling hot pants and shouting expletives ten to the dozen then yes, she sure has talent. I expect her to display it in front of Cowell, Holden and Morgan on the next series of that God awful ITV1 “talent” show. Ziggy gets up and walks away in disgust. Another rift?
Their slop is delivered along with a vitamin pill. Laura and Tracey pretend it tastes much better but Brian, Charley and Nicky still retch as they struggle with their tiny mouthfuls. Everyone else manages surprisingly well.
Later Nicky and Liam help Brian wash the skid marks out of his pants. Dear. Lord. How shall I recover? Outside the twins try and drown Ziggy in the pool as Carole pontificates about how the “game is fixed” in favour of Charley. Nothing to do with you being up for eviction then, eh Carole? Jonathan, the Endemol insider, rubs his hands with glee. Makes sense I suppose for Endemol to put one of their own in…no more Emily style n*gger slip-ups.
After their millionth blazing row, Charley and Billi are sent to a “Happy Room” where they get champagne and strawberries to help them calm down. Ziggy is apoplectic (he’s also more coherent when angry, have you noticed?) and tries to get into the Diary Room but BB won’t let him in. Carole starts cleaning in frenzy, twittering about BB favouring Charley over and over like a manic Duracell bunny left out in the rain for too long.
By evening, Jonathan announces he has talked to Big Brother and he has asked to leave. There are some tears and a few shrugs. Brian gets stressed and walks up and down repetitively to calm himself down. Everyone pretends to be sorry that Jonathan is leaving, shedding “crocodile tears” as Gerry calls them. Carole is gutted and snipes that it must be Nicky’s fault (of course. I hold Nicky responsible for my badly behaved dog and my mounting debts, the existence of Peaches Geldof, the recent heavy rain, house prices rises and the war in Iraq.)
At midnight twins are set a psychic test, but are pretty terrible – yet they some how pass. “I drawed an apple and she drawed a pineapple” they laugh when they manage to draw one image correctly through being ‘psychic’. “We are psychopathic” Amanda says. I always thought so. They choose Chanelle and Liam to celebrate with them but Chanelle is already feeling sick, Nicky goes instead but the cakes will not be made of icing sugar.
Gerry in protest covers his head in the slop. He threatens to put it on his genitals but says there isn’t enough. Billi and Charley won’t eat – Charley is forced to eat it in the Diary Room – que: a mighty strop for the highlights. Billi angrily bangs on the diary room door to protest again about Charley’s ‘preferential treatment’
The twins are appalled when they find their cake is filled with slop. Liam is happy enough that one of the cakes has corned beef. “I like corned beef” he laughs. Nicky takes it well, although she manages to swear some crudeness to Big Brother first. Sam and Liam bond over their mutual dislike of Carole and her attitude.
Back in the bedroom Charley, on a loop of irritancy, maintains she will leave in the morning if she has to eat slop again. Here is your chance BB, more slop for Charley and she can bugger off home.
Want a corned beef cake? Think Carole is a bit mental? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Day 28 - 26th June 2007
The morning after the failed sleep task Ziggy, Jonathan and Carole gather for their daily old granny bitch session. Apparently it is all Nicky’s fault that they failed. Oh, of course…a task where you have to stay awake for 60 hours is clearly failed by the only person who managed to, and was willing to stay awake! Ziggy is a prize prat. He’s been beaten by Amanda at swimming and Nicky at sleeping – women keep beating him and he can’t stand it. Although Charely is wearing him down into a shadow of his former self and Carole – Ziggy, step away from Carole – she is a Dementor, she is sucking out your soul.
As punishment Big Brother takes back all the food in the house, but a mini revolt ensues when Laura tells everyone to eat and eat it all and fast. The first casualty of food war is Brian - "I bib my tongue..." he cries whilst chomping on chocolate. Laura is determined not to hand back the food "we worked hard on the task, its not our fault others couldn’t physically do it" she says. Yes. Seriously. The same Laura who would have eaten her own kidney rather than stay awake for more than an hour.
Liam returns some of the food to the storeroom – realising further punishment will follow if he doesn’t. He’s a canny lad that Liam, I think he will do well. Jonathan is distressed thinking that the public will see it as them whinging about things they are contracted to do – well I do!
Carole sits on the bed with boxes of meat pies by her side – looking like Les Dawson in drag, pushing up her bosom and staring wistfully at her trophies, Jonathan at her side - her Roy Barraclough. But Liam presses on, clearly he has won his second 100k today, as he clears the fridge.
The food is finally returned and everyone – even (shock) Sam, has the hump.
Someone dares to touch Carole’s towel again – and hell fire it was Nicky. Carole is off on one like a demented Hagrid but with an even bushier beard. “It’s not private poperty” Ziggy chimes in, finally exhausted by Carole's incessant whining. “She didn’t do it on purpose” Liam says. Bad move boys – two men defending Nicky to woman hater Carole? She will blow into a million pieces shortly, mark my words.
The housemates have to weigh and measure tehmselves. Chanelle is 5 foot 5 and a “shocking” 8 stone 3 (up from 7 stone 10 ) and not impressed. She suspects BB wants to weigh them to give them low calorie meals after failing the task. She is right. Brian is a huge 6 foot 6. Laura is 5 foot 3 and 12 stone 2 and reckons she has lost some (how? Did she slice a leg off when no one was looking?) Liam is 6 foot 2 and has lost a stone is now 15 stone 12! Nicky is only 4 foot 11 and 8 stone. Charley is 7 stone 11 and 5 foot 6 – dangerously underweight.
When the nomination results are announced later in the evening all hell breaks loose because Billi and Charley’s votes don’t count, freeing Nicky and Charely from the public vote.
Chanelle is so shocked that Charley is not up she cannot help but make an innocent-ish comment so Charley kicks off and Ziggy gets all over protective…making Charley blow up even more…everyone gets flamed…Carole, Billi, the twins, Jonathan and Gerry. Nicky is devastated that she was nearly up. “I thought they were my friends” she whimpers. No Nicky – trust no one! This is Big Brother, no one likes you.
Billi drips more poison. “She’ll be hated” he screams of Charely. “Who else could have nominated me, I can only think of two.” Shut up slimeball, try eight! Eugh. Miserable Carole miserys on but I switch off when she shows up, much like I do when Gerry talks.
After being force to eat nutritional slop for failing the task, the twins are not allowed a party so create their own pink party with no tunes, booze or fun (lets be honest – it’s more like “humouring” the kids than fun) Charley and Nicky stay away – Charley getting ready, and shunned for being a bitch, and Nicky poisoned by the slop and depressed. Laura lays down with them – exhausted at the non musical chairs game she just lost. Tracey joins them after banging her bottom on the chair.
In the bathroom a sexually frustrated Gerry asks the lads if they fancy a 'homosexual orgy'. They all decline. “I'll be gentle” Gerry says. “I don't think you could possibly be gentle enough.” Liam nods.
Wish Charley could stay forever? Like a bowl of slop first thing? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
As punishment Big Brother takes back all the food in the house, but a mini revolt ensues when Laura tells everyone to eat and eat it all and fast. The first casualty of food war is Brian - "I bib my tongue..." he cries whilst chomping on chocolate. Laura is determined not to hand back the food "we worked hard on the task, its not our fault others couldn’t physically do it" she says. Yes. Seriously. The same Laura who would have eaten her own kidney rather than stay awake for more than an hour.
Liam returns some of the food to the storeroom – realising further punishment will follow if he doesn’t. He’s a canny lad that Liam, I think he will do well. Jonathan is distressed thinking that the public will see it as them whinging about things they are contracted to do – well I do!
Carole sits on the bed with boxes of meat pies by her side – looking like Les Dawson in drag, pushing up her bosom and staring wistfully at her trophies, Jonathan at her side - her Roy Barraclough. But Liam presses on, clearly he has won his second 100k today, as he clears the fridge.
The food is finally returned and everyone – even (shock) Sam, has the hump.
Someone dares to touch Carole’s towel again – and hell fire it was Nicky. Carole is off on one like a demented Hagrid but with an even bushier beard. “It’s not private poperty” Ziggy chimes in, finally exhausted by Carole's incessant whining. “She didn’t do it on purpose” Liam says. Bad move boys – two men defending Nicky to woman hater Carole? She will blow into a million pieces shortly, mark my words.
The housemates have to weigh and measure tehmselves. Chanelle is 5 foot 5 and a “shocking” 8 stone 3 (up from 7 stone 10 ) and not impressed. She suspects BB wants to weigh them to give them low calorie meals after failing the task. She is right. Brian is a huge 6 foot 6. Laura is 5 foot 3 and 12 stone 2 and reckons she has lost some (how? Did she slice a leg off when no one was looking?) Liam is 6 foot 2 and has lost a stone is now 15 stone 12! Nicky is only 4 foot 11 and 8 stone. Charley is 7 stone 11 and 5 foot 6 – dangerously underweight.
When the nomination results are announced later in the evening all hell breaks loose because Billi and Charley’s votes don’t count, freeing Nicky and Charely from the public vote.
Chanelle is so shocked that Charley is not up she cannot help but make an innocent-ish comment so Charley kicks off and Ziggy gets all over protective…making Charley blow up even more…everyone gets flamed…Carole, Billi, the twins, Jonathan and Gerry. Nicky is devastated that she was nearly up. “I thought they were my friends” she whimpers. No Nicky – trust no one! This is Big Brother, no one likes you.
Billi drips more poison. “She’ll be hated” he screams of Charely. “Who else could have nominated me, I can only think of two.” Shut up slimeball, try eight! Eugh. Miserable Carole miserys on but I switch off when she shows up, much like I do when Gerry talks.
After being force to eat nutritional slop for failing the task, the twins are not allowed a party so create their own pink party with no tunes, booze or fun (lets be honest – it’s more like “humouring” the kids than fun) Charley and Nicky stay away – Charley getting ready, and shunned for being a bitch, and Nicky poisoned by the slop and depressed. Laura lays down with them – exhausted at the non musical chairs game she just lost. Tracey joins them after banging her bottom on the chair.
In the bathroom a sexually frustrated Gerry asks the lads if they fancy a 'homosexual orgy'. They all decline. “I'll be gentle” Gerry says. “I don't think you could possibly be gentle enough.” Liam nods.
Wish Charley could stay forever? Like a bowl of slop first thing? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Monday, 25 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Day 27 - 25th June 2007
The sleep deprivation task continues. Billi slithers around trying to convince everyone that Nicky and Charley should be the ones nominated this week only he’s too thick to realise that Nicky and Charley talk to one another and they rumble his rouse. “We’ll still be up though,” Charley says wisely. Billi is a game player, which is usually a good thing for BB only he’s not very good at it, which is a dreadful sight to behold.
After less than 24 hours the housemates discuss whether to give up or not. Laura is simply too tired (from what? Lazy cow does nothing but sleep and lay around) but Liam wants to try for longer. Tracey needs to keep going so she can have her cigs but this only brings out Ziggy’s snappy side “I’m sick of you telling everyone to deal wiv it. You deal wiv it,” he barks. “Zac! You haven’t had a strop like that for weeks,” Chanelle chimes in.
Jonathan guarantees himself a longer stay in the house by telling the twins they can go to his Portuguese villa free for a week as a “birthday treat”. They refuse to nominate him when he says the still can. It perks up Sam though who was really struggling to keep her eyes awake.
Laura tries to pull a “hilarious” prank when she claims Big Brother wanted her to sabotage the task by falling asleep but Carole's having none of it, “You just wanted to sleep” and Laura gets the derision of all Housemates when she reveals the “joke.”
Big Brother sets a ‘counting sheep’ task so everyone can earn an extra 1 hour on the clock for sleep considering Carole has used most of the existing time by dozing off mid-sentence they need it. Liam and Laura play Bo Peep and everyone else has to dress as a sheep – Jonathan as a sheep is almost as scary as Jonathan in the YMCA task. Amanda looks impossibly sweet as a sheep.
Eventually, “smart” Gerry works out that they can all sleep collectively and wake after an hour or so and still not lose the time. Liam, Nicky and Tracey agree to stay awake and make sure no one over sleeps. Only Nicky has the staying power to remain awake and as Liam succumbs to sleep, she buries him amid a mass of pillows before bonding with Jonathan over meatballs and anger issues.
There is a mass debate (not involving Brian’s leakage thankfully) where they come dangerously close to quitting but the twins rally on, desperate to get to their 19th birthday and have some fun, despite everyone else looking like death warmed up. Laura, already whining because her sabotage for sleep didn’t work, whinges when everyone else has backbone and camaraderie to stay up she develops her face like a torn clog – a face I would never tire of kicking. God, I’ve never disliked someone so much. She’s a nanny? I wouldn’t let her look after my shoes, let alone a living creature.
By midnight there is another vote and everyone bar Liam, Nicky, Sam and Amanda wants to quit and accept basic rations. Why do I sense that bad things will happen now with the shopping budget – especially as Ziggy, Nicky, Laura and Jonathan have accepted responsibility?
If Laura dares complain she is hungry next week, someone better shove her head in the oven and cook it on Gas Mark 4.
Can you last 60 hours sleepless? Want to batter Laura to death with her own foot? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
After less than 24 hours the housemates discuss whether to give up or not. Laura is simply too tired (from what? Lazy cow does nothing but sleep and lay around) but Liam wants to try for longer. Tracey needs to keep going so she can have her cigs but this only brings out Ziggy’s snappy side “I’m sick of you telling everyone to deal wiv it. You deal wiv it,” he barks. “Zac! You haven’t had a strop like that for weeks,” Chanelle chimes in.
Jonathan guarantees himself a longer stay in the house by telling the twins they can go to his Portuguese villa free for a week as a “birthday treat”. They refuse to nominate him when he says the still can. It perks up Sam though who was really struggling to keep her eyes awake.
Laura tries to pull a “hilarious” prank when she claims Big Brother wanted her to sabotage the task by falling asleep but Carole's having none of it, “You just wanted to sleep” and Laura gets the derision of all Housemates when she reveals the “joke.”
Big Brother sets a ‘counting sheep’ task so everyone can earn an extra 1 hour on the clock for sleep considering Carole has used most of the existing time by dozing off mid-sentence they need it. Liam and Laura play Bo Peep and everyone else has to dress as a sheep – Jonathan as a sheep is almost as scary as Jonathan in the YMCA task. Amanda looks impossibly sweet as a sheep.
Eventually, “smart” Gerry works out that they can all sleep collectively and wake after an hour or so and still not lose the time. Liam, Nicky and Tracey agree to stay awake and make sure no one over sleeps. Only Nicky has the staying power to remain awake and as Liam succumbs to sleep, she buries him amid a mass of pillows before bonding with Jonathan over meatballs and anger issues.
There is a mass debate (not involving Brian’s leakage thankfully) where they come dangerously close to quitting but the twins rally on, desperate to get to their 19th birthday and have some fun, despite everyone else looking like death warmed up. Laura, already whining because her sabotage for sleep didn’t work, whinges when everyone else has backbone and camaraderie to stay up she develops her face like a torn clog – a face I would never tire of kicking. God, I’ve never disliked someone so much. She’s a nanny? I wouldn’t let her look after my shoes, let alone a living creature.
By midnight there is another vote and everyone bar Liam, Nicky, Sam and Amanda wants to quit and accept basic rations. Why do I sense that bad things will happen now with the shopping budget – especially as Ziggy, Nicky, Laura and Jonathan have accepted responsibility?
If Laura dares complain she is hungry next week, someone better shove her head in the oven and cook it on Gas Mark 4.
Can you last 60 hours sleepless? Want to batter Laura to death with her own foot? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Days 25 and 26 - 24th June 2007
Another late night ensures that the lazy housemates do not wake until 12pm. They are told to wait in the bedroom for a task that seemingly never appears to happen
A knobbly knee competition is hastily set up, almost unbelievably unimaginative. Everyone has to pull up their trousers and display their knees behind curtains dancing to music one woman and one man will win the ‘reward’ of a 1970s caravan. Charley and Brian win. When Charley is told she is excited but Brian, bless him less so, considering Charley punched him in the balls earlier during an argument its not surprise. Big Brother gives them hideous clothes. Charley has a floral two piece, pop-socks, flat sandals and a knotted hanky, Brian has a checked shirt, half-mast pants, white socks and Jesus sandals and another knotted hanky. They are like a hip and happening George and Mildred.”I hope she’s in there a week” Jonathan declares. In the caravan Charley and Brian slate Billi for his posing skills, his pervyness and his isolating attitude, despite Charley spending hours previously with Billi slating everyone else.
Liam varnishes Nicky’s toes. They worry me…they are even starting dress the same – all matching stripes and slippers. It’s a pity Liam has let things go on so long…he clearly has different feelings. In a cider frenzy Brian dances madly in the caravan alone, mad hat and everything…he’s on top form actually, he even manages to get Charley to laugh through her whinges.
The next day the caravan task ends early because Charley is bored. She can’t bear Brian’s constant “shaht up” and his inappropriate erections. Liam takes a bath and invites Nicky to talk to him. A word of advice Liam, if you want to let a woman “down gently” don’t lay in front of her nearly naked and get her to rub your face. Nicky grumps for the rest of the day, back to her misery mode. When an endurance sleep task of 60 hours is set, where the pool, straighteners, sharp objects and the beds are banned Nicky nearly loses her mind, “You’re going to be fun” Jonathan says. A nation nods.
In all white pyjamas, teddy bears and robes the housemates set sail to stay awake. Jonathan and Ziggy are sceptical. The twins and Gerry are happy to play fight with pillows, but am I alone in hoping to see the twins frayed, angry and shouty on no sleep? Big Brother immediately stops the fun and everyone moans. Oh dear…
Chanelle settles down with everyone to listen to Goldilocks as the bedtime story. “Is this the one with a poisoned apple?” she asks. Blimey! Thankfully Gerry makes Chanelle’s bear Betsy have sex with one of the task bears for light relief. Charley vows not to speak to anyone before speaking to EVERYONE.
Laura, who I would singe to death with the dreaded Big Brother hair straighteners if I could, shouts and stomps, overriding everyone trying to “keep up spirits”. I’d rather fail the task and give in to weeks of endless sniping and nomination than have Laura geeing me up.
Carole tries to expose Ziggy's penis (hell fire) as Sam and Amanda play pillow fights to keep awake. Tracey is buzzing again. I don't know where she keeps her acid but I wish she'd give some to everyone else...and me!
Think Billi is a rough diamond? Is Besty a slut? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
A knobbly knee competition is hastily set up, almost unbelievably unimaginative. Everyone has to pull up their trousers and display their knees behind curtains dancing to music one woman and one man will win the ‘reward’ of a 1970s caravan. Charley and Brian win. When Charley is told she is excited but Brian, bless him less so, considering Charley punched him in the balls earlier during an argument its not surprise. Big Brother gives them hideous clothes. Charley has a floral two piece, pop-socks, flat sandals and a knotted hanky, Brian has a checked shirt, half-mast pants, white socks and Jesus sandals and another knotted hanky. They are like a hip and happening George and Mildred.”I hope she’s in there a week” Jonathan declares. In the caravan Charley and Brian slate Billi for his posing skills, his pervyness and his isolating attitude, despite Charley spending hours previously with Billi slating everyone else.
Liam varnishes Nicky’s toes. They worry me…they are even starting dress the same – all matching stripes and slippers. It’s a pity Liam has let things go on so long…he clearly has different feelings. In a cider frenzy Brian dances madly in the caravan alone, mad hat and everything…he’s on top form actually, he even manages to get Charley to laugh through her whinges.
The next day the caravan task ends early because Charley is bored. She can’t bear Brian’s constant “shaht up” and his inappropriate erections. Liam takes a bath and invites Nicky to talk to him. A word of advice Liam, if you want to let a woman “down gently” don’t lay in front of her nearly naked and get her to rub your face. Nicky grumps for the rest of the day, back to her misery mode. When an endurance sleep task of 60 hours is set, where the pool, straighteners, sharp objects and the beds are banned Nicky nearly loses her mind, “You’re going to be fun” Jonathan says. A nation nods.
In all white pyjamas, teddy bears and robes the housemates set sail to stay awake. Jonathan and Ziggy are sceptical. The twins and Gerry are happy to play fight with pillows, but am I alone in hoping to see the twins frayed, angry and shouty on no sleep? Big Brother immediately stops the fun and everyone moans. Oh dear…
Chanelle settles down with everyone to listen to Goldilocks as the bedtime story. “Is this the one with a poisoned apple?” she asks. Blimey! Thankfully Gerry makes Chanelle’s bear Betsy have sex with one of the task bears for light relief. Charley vows not to speak to anyone before speaking to EVERYONE.
Laura, who I would singe to death with the dreaded Big Brother hair straighteners if I could, shouts and stomps, overriding everyone trying to “keep up spirits”. I’d rather fail the task and give in to weeks of endless sniping and nomination than have Laura geeing me up.
Carole tries to expose Ziggy's penis (hell fire) as Sam and Amanda play pillow fights to keep awake. Tracey is buzzing again. I don't know where she keeps her acid but I wish she'd give some to everyone else...and me!
Think Billi is a rough diamond? Is Besty a slut? Chillywinter@hotmail.co.uk
Friday, 22 June 2007
Big Brother 8: Day 24: 22nd June 2007
The alarms sounds at 11am and the sleep deprived housemates away, retiring to bed at 6am. Everyone looks rough…and anxious. It is eviction day! Brian is still waiting for his forfeit after being the loser of the swimming task but he is too concerned that he has lost his earring in bed…Tracey has nasty bruises on her thighs. Hang on! Brian has lost his earring ‘tossing and turning’ and Tracey has bruised thighs? A secret passion that no one spotted?
Ziggy wants and “honest day” and decides he will tell Carole to shave her legs and chin before the eviction. Unfortunately the flaw in this is that Ziggy is incapable of honesty. Seány is afraid he will be evicted and people will shout “ave it” at him. Sadly I think Seány will go, which is a shame as fun sucker Carole should be booted back to her Giro and stash of free condoms.
Billi lays next to Amanda, his hand disappearing under the covers. I’m sorry, but I cannot look. Billi groping Amanda? That’s akin to an axe murder decapitating a kitten. The four newcomers are called to the diary room to make a podcast and do impressions of their fellow housemates. Laura makes breakfast – hot chocolate and biscuits. Dear, dear me.
Seány wants to go around schools telling everyone how bad it is to be in a gang. I would have thought it was pretty bad to be a curly topped ‘prankster’ with bad dress sense and no obvious emotions but there you go. Billi is given a laminate to read out – everyone has to pick an object from the house and do a presentation on it.
Amanda chooses her pink tutu and everyone else nods. “It’s pink and cute, like you.” “It reminds me of parties lahk,” Amanda says. Billi chooses his sunglasses. “It’s so no one can see who you are looking at,” Liam suggests. Yes Liam, a perv’s paradise the old sunnies. Everyone starts to agree that Billi is sneaky and a watcher, except Amanda who thinks his glasses are no more than “fashion n’ stuff” Seány - wearing sunglasses himself.... says 'anyone wearing sunglasses in a house is an eejit. Brian has chosen a pepper pot (this is Brian who though he could use his fingers and then a lemon zester to peel an apple) he didn’t understand he could choose his own object and thought he needed one from the house. They think its because Brian is “slick” I think it is because you can probably twists Brian’s head 360 degrees and he’d sprinkle the floor with spices.
Carole chose plants because, according to the housemates, she’s “natural and hates perishables” Billi gets a dig in, “plants can’t walk and talk and you like to be needed” Carole waffles on as to why she chose it but Liam and Charley cannot bear it and laugh heartily. Chanelle herself chose Victoria Beckham’s mirror. Seány jokes “obviously she's taken Victoria Beckham's mirror from her, I don't condone theft so I can't comment”. Ziggy struggles what to say and Tracey tells Chanelle it’s really because she needs to “remind yourself you are you.” Wise words Tracey, wise words.
Charley also chose a mirror *sigh * which Laura insists means she is “vain.” “The lights are on but no one is home” Seány says. Charley gets ripped apart as much as Billi. Liam feels sorry for Charley and thinks they should all stop making a big deal out of it.
Gerry chose his ‘worry beads’ and analyses himself to death. He really needs to dumb himself down. Jonathan chooses a camera as his representation because it is about showing off and judgement.
Laura chooses the shower, because it is huge and immovable (not really) and drippy like she is. Carole thinks it is because she “scrubs up well”. Does she? I’ve yet to see her wash. Liam chooses a photo of himself. Makes sense, it is totally representative then…but the housemates see more, thinking Liam is full of “gratitude” (not surprising since you bestowed £100k on him)
Nicky’s object was a sponge, Carole thinks Nicky is a natural sponge, soft and absorbent…Jonathan agrees but Billi thinks it is simply because she “uses it a lot and all that.” Thank you Professor Freud. Sam picks something pink but everyone’s enthusiasm has gone and no one really cares what it represents.
Carole and Ziggy have to do lines as punishment for writing on the wall with chalk. The both have school ties… "It’s Grambo, not Rambo” Seány cries when Carole puts the tie around her head. He then rubs out all of Ziggy’s lines…as when Ziggy goes to the Diary Room, Seány locks him in with chairs and proceeds to write, “Ziggy is an eejit” on the blackboard
The moronic voting British public vote out the most entertaining housemate again...Seány is evicted…. oh good more days of Carole bitching, whining, crying and playing the martyr and Jonathan scheming. Fascinating. – 44.5% of the vote. Charley, despite voting for him claims “I’m not being funny right,” before Jonathan butts in "You are right, you are not funny” He might be evil but he is amusing…
After everyone cries at Seany’s death (eviction) Liam intensifies Nicky in his thoughts, telling her he hates what everyone is saying before flirting outrageously with Chanelle…Ziggy can’t intimidate Liam as easily as he managed to intimidate Billi.
Liam and Nicky play piggybacks again, Jonathan calls Billi “Lazy” and Laura and “Deaf bully” (I like him). Bill pervs on Sam. Everything seems normal suddenly.
Bored? Loving it, woo? Chillwinter@hotmail.co.uk
Ziggy wants and “honest day” and decides he will tell Carole to shave her legs and chin before the eviction. Unfortunately the flaw in this is that Ziggy is incapable of honesty. Seány is afraid he will be evicted and people will shout “ave it” at him. Sadly I think Seány will go, which is a shame as fun sucker Carole should be booted back to her Giro and stash of free condoms.
Billi lays next to Amanda, his hand disappearing under the covers. I’m sorry, but I cannot look. Billi groping Amanda? That’s akin to an axe murder decapitating a kitten. The four newcomers are called to the diary room to make a podcast and do impressions of their fellow housemates. Laura makes breakfast – hot chocolate and biscuits. Dear, dear me.
Seány wants to go around schools telling everyone how bad it is to be in a gang. I would have thought it was pretty bad to be a curly topped ‘prankster’ with bad dress sense and no obvious emotions but there you go. Billi is given a laminate to read out – everyone has to pick an object from the house and do a presentation on it.
Amanda chooses her pink tutu and everyone else nods. “It’s pink and cute, like you.” “It reminds me of parties lahk,” Amanda says. Billi chooses his sunglasses. “It’s so no one can see who you are looking at,” Liam suggests. Yes Liam, a perv’s paradise the old sunnies. Everyone starts to agree that Billi is sneaky and a watcher, except Amanda who thinks his glasses are no more than “fashion n’ stuff” Seány - wearing sunglasses himself.... says 'anyone wearing sunglasses in a house is an eejit. Brian has chosen a pepper pot (this is Brian who though he could use his fingers and then a lemon zester to peel an apple) he didn’t understand he could choose his own object and thought he needed one from the house. They think its because Brian is “slick” I think it is because you can probably twists Brian’s head 360 degrees and he’d sprinkle the floor with spices.
Carole chose plants because, according to the housemates, she’s “natural and hates perishables” Billi gets a dig in, “plants can’t walk and talk and you like to be needed” Carole waffles on as to why she chose it but Liam and Charley cannot bear it and laugh heartily. Chanelle herself chose Victoria Beckham’s mirror. Seány jokes “obviously she's taken Victoria Beckham's mirror from her, I don't condone theft so I can't comment”. Ziggy struggles what to say and Tracey tells Chanelle it’s really because she needs to “remind yourself you are you.” Wise words Tracey, wise words.
Charley also chose a mirror *sigh * which Laura insists means she is “vain.” “The lights are on but no one is home” Seány says. Charley gets ripped apart as much as Billi. Liam feels sorry for Charley and thinks they should all stop making a big deal out of it.
Gerry chose his ‘worry beads’ and analyses himself to death. He really needs to dumb himself down. Jonathan chooses a camera as his representation because it is about showing off and judgement.
Laura chooses the shower, because it is huge and immovable (not really) and drippy like she is. Carole thinks it is because she “scrubs up well”. Does she? I’ve yet to see her wash. Liam chooses a photo of himself. Makes sense, it is totally representative then…but the housemates see more, thinking Liam is full of “gratitude” (not surprising since you bestowed £100k on him)
Nicky’s object was a sponge, Carole thinks Nicky is a natural sponge, soft and absorbent…Jonathan agrees but Billi thinks it is simply because she “uses it a lot and all that.” Thank you Professor Freud. Sam picks something pink but everyone’s enthusiasm has gone and no one really cares what it represents.
Carole and Ziggy have to do lines as punishment for writing on the wall with chalk. The both have school ties… "It’s Grambo, not Rambo” Seány cries when Carole puts the tie around her head. He then rubs out all of Ziggy’s lines…as when Ziggy goes to the Diary Room, Seány locks him in with chairs and proceeds to write, “Ziggy is an eejit” on the blackboard
The moronic voting British public vote out the most entertaining housemate again...Seány is evicted…. oh good more days of Carole bitching, whining, crying and playing the martyr and Jonathan scheming. Fascinating. – 44.5% of the vote. Charley, despite voting for him claims “I’m not being funny right,” before Jonathan butts in "You are right, you are not funny” He might be evil but he is amusing…
After everyone cries at Seany’s death (eviction) Liam intensifies Nicky in his thoughts, telling her he hates what everyone is saying before flirting outrageously with Chanelle…Ziggy can’t intimidate Liam as easily as he managed to intimidate Billi.
Liam and Nicky play piggybacks again, Jonathan calls Billi “Lazy” and Laura and “Deaf bully” (I like him). Bill pervs on Sam. Everything seems normal suddenly.
Bored? Loving it, woo? Chillwinter@hotmail.co.uk
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